Absolutely Wasted
by Natsyourlord
Summary: Let's just say Momo had a little to much to drink tonight. And a certain white-haired Captain had some, too. And now she wants him to notice her. HitsuHina, rated for some language and suggestive themes. Momo's PoV.


What is up with me and oneshots today? I can't stop! Somebody restrain me!

This has been done a thousand times before, but I wanted to take a whack at it.

I kind of pictured Toshiro and Momo from an older angle here... and I know that they're like 100 years old or something... but let's pretend that they're in their late teens in human terms. Or not. Your decision. Just keep in mind that Momo is absolutely wasted, these are her thoughts, and she's obviously not going to be thinking straight. So she's gonna sound kinda stupid in this. Then again, all wasted people sound kinda stupid.

**Disclaimer:** Do you honestly think I own Bleach? No, really. Do you?

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Sweat drips down my neck. Haha, it tickles. Oh no! It's helping the stupid dress cling even tighter to my body than it did before. Stupid sweat. Leave me alone. 

Why the hell did Rangiku drag me here in the first place? It's dumb! She said Toshiro-kun would be here, but he's not here at all! Stupid Rangiku! Ugh... more sake? Thank you, Mr. Renji. Gee, Renji, who knew you looked so much like a girl when your hair was down? Haha. You look funny, Renji.

Hey! I thought I saw Shiro-chan! Is that him - yeah, it is! I recognize him from his white hair! Shiro means white... haha, that's funny.

Toshiro sees me now. Hey, why's your face turning pink, silly Shiro-chan? Are you blushing? Don't blush, silly, you look funny when you blush, And cute. Ha ha ha. You always look cute, Toshiro. Wait, where are you going? Did I say something wrong? Wah! I didn't mean to!

Oh, hi, Matsumoto. Wait... Rangiku! I'm mad at you! Why are you here? Go away!

What do you mean, Toshiro "lusts" for me? He wouldn't want to... oh God. He does NOT want to do that. Nuh-uh. Not even if I want him to. Oopsie! You weren't supposed to hear that! Stop laughing, meanie, it's not funny!

So... all I have to do is dance, Rangiku-san? Haha, you're funny. But I'll dance anyway. Ha. Dancing's fun.

Ooh, I like this song. It's a pretty song. Bounce, bounce, bounce. I bounce. Boing, boing! Haha! This is fun! Uh-oh, Rangiku! My dress is slipping! What do I do? RANGIKU!!!

I didn't know it was a good thing... so... he likes the things on my chest... haha. Chest. That's a funny word. Chuh. Est. Chest. Ha ha ha. Okay, Rangiku. You know best. That's why you're my bestest friend ever! Except for Toshiro. Toshiro's the best ever. Yay, Toshiro!

Haha! Zaraki and Ikkaku are dancing together! They look funny! Hahaha! Silly Ikkaku, I didn't know you were gay! Haha! Uh-oh... run away! Don't eat me, Ikkaku!

Oops, sorry, Shiro! I didn't know you were hiding back here! You look totally hot though. Haha. Your shirt's unbuttoned, silly. I can see your chest. Did Rangiku do that? She thinks people seeing other people's chests is a good thing. Her chest is really big though. If I had a big chest like her, would you like me more, Toshiro?

Hey, Shiro-chan! You had something to drink, too? That's awesome! We both had drinks! Drinks are yummy, aren't they? Yummmmmy. Yum, yum. I bet you taste yummy, too. I wanna taste. Yum.

Haha! I was right! You do taste yummy, Shiro-chan! Yum! Do I taste yummy? Do I?

H-Hey... what are you doing? I can't see - ooh. That feels nice. Haha. Very nice. Thanks Toshiro... Is that why you're kissing my neck? 'Cause I taste yummy like you? Hey, that's my dress! Why are you - oh. You like seeing my chest? That's okay. Can I touch your hair, Shiro-chan? It's so shiny. Silvery. Like the fishies in the pond! Yay, I can touch it! I can touch Toshiro's-

AH! THAT'S NOT - ooh. That feels nice, too, Shiro-chan. The air's cold but you're warm... big hug... haha. Yay. That feels _very_ nice. Hey, now my breasts is pink! Is pink... I don't think that's right. Oh well. It feels very good. Haha. Your chest feels good, too. I don't wanna ask though. You're not asking. I don't wanna ask if you won't. Ha. I just grabbed your shoulders. They feel nice, Shiro-chan. Very warm. Warm's good.

Hey, Rangiku! Izuru! What're you doing! Give Toshiro back! I _liked_ that feeling! IT FELT GOOD! No, no, I don't want the dress back. It was sticky. Toshiro took the sticky away. I want Toshiro...

Hey, put me down, Rangiku! I don't wanna leave! That building was fun! Hey, Izuru, where're you taking Toshiro? I WANT HIM BACK!!! PUT ME DOWN!!!

Sleep. I like sleep. Haha. Sleep's yummy...

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This was SO MUCH FUN to write! I might make another one from Toshiro's point of view. Either way, I think this was awesome. Please review! 


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